What If Kim Kardashian Were Cast As Wonder Woman?

Wonder Woman is one of DC Comics' most famous—yet famously underused—characters. In 2016, that's set to change with the release of Batman V Superman: Dawn of Justice. Israeli actress Gal Gadot will take on the role of the Amazon Princess, and will star in a solo Wonder Woman movie set for release in 2017. While Gadot could be a great choice, we feel like there's only one, true Wonder Woman who can do the role justice.

Obviously, we're talking about Kim Kardashian.

Wait, who did you think we meant?

They Have Parallel Origin Stories

Diana, Wonder Woman's alter ego, wasn't born like most people, you know. In fact, she was never "born" at all—her mother, Hippolyta, the Queen of the Amazons, carved her out of clay. Diana was then blessed by the Greek and Roman Gods with life and super powers. She won the role of protector of "Man's World" by besting all the other Amazons in a contest of skill in combat—and thus, Wonder Woman was born.

Similarly, Kim Kardashian was brought to life from non-living materials—mostly plastic and silicone, we're pretty sure. A plastic surgeon named Dr. Anthony Youn was quoted in a 2011 Gawker article as saying that he believes that Kim has had a nose job and breast implants. Meanwhile, Kim's expressionless face points to the presence of Botox, and there's a decent chance there are other miscellaneous fillers involved in the creation of Ms. K.

They Have Similar Mothers

The person holding the name "Wonder Woman" hasn't always exclusively been Diana. At various points throughout the character's history, her Amazonian Queen mother, Hippolyta, has taken the mantle and fought for truth and justice in the world of mortals. Once in a while, both Diana and Hippolyta have been Wonder Woman at the same time, causing resentment and hostility between mother and daughter.

Likewise, Kim's mom, Kris Jenner, has occupied the same kind of role with regard to her more famous daughter. Considering that the only reason anyone cares about any the Kardashians is completely due to Kim's fame (such as it is), it's odd that we should see so much of Kris, too. Kim and Kris have also had a historically contentious relationship, with a season 10 episode of Keeping Up with the Kardashians including a scene where Kris throws rocks at Kim's house. The reason? Kim apparently stole some of Kris's cookware. Pretty sure the same thing happened way back in Wonder Woman #258 (don't check on that...seriously just trust us here).

They've Both Got Sweet Rides

One of the most famous aspects of Wonder Woman's long comic book legacy is her cool invisible jet. Wait, we know what you're asking: why does a lady who has the superpower of flight need a jet at all, let alone an invisible one? Let us answer your question with another question: who cares?

Kim Kardashian, meanwhile, also gets behind the wheel of a completely implausible and impractical vehicle: a $400,000 Rolls Royce. It doesn't fly, and it's not invisible, but it does have custom-made narrow headlights, silver rims, and a matte silver paint job. That sounds cool, probably.

They're Both Defenders Of Truth

Probably even more famous than her invisible jet is Wonder Woman's lasso of truth. This divine weapon forces anyone ensnared in it to stop with all the lies and fibs already. Fun fact: Wonder Woman's creator, William Moulton Marston, was also the inventor of the lie detector. He was also into kinky bondage-type stuff, so there's that.

Kim Kardashian also likes to make sure that people only speak the truth. In June of 2015, Kim took to Twitter to rant about lies being spread in the media about her pregnancy with her second child. Apparently she was so insistent on the social media platform that representatives from Twitter reached out to her to make sure her account hadn't been hacked. Indeed, Kim needs no lasso as long as she has an Internet connection.

They're Both Loved By Hapless Idiots

Wonder Woman's main love interest for the length of her comic book existence has been Steve Trevor, a military man who's always in need of being rescued. Apparently his status as a constant hostage made Trevor feel emasculated, causing no shortage of drama between him and his Amazonian girlfriend. In the end, Trevor's constant helplessness in the face of danger and existence as little more than a plot device in his lady love's comic books has left him a shell of a man, unable to carve out anything resembling his own destiny.

And while Wonder Woman has Steve Trevor, Kim Kardashian is married to Kanye West, who is, of course, a complete and utter lunatic.

They Have A Similar Fashion Sense

As far as outfits go, Wonder Woman's superhero uniform is mainly known for two things: its intense patriotism (which is weird, since it's America-themed despite Diana's Grecian origins), and its overall lack of coverage. Why an Amazon warrior would want to rush into battle wearing what's basically a flag-themed bathing suit has never been too clear. Maybe the idea is to distract her foes and strike while they ogle her body. Regardless of the reasoning, Wonder Woman's wonder-bikini is an integral part of the character's legacy.

Of course, Kim Kardashian seems to dress with a similar agenda. Her habit of wearing skin-tight, overly revealing clothes has distracted the world, allowing her to strike. Though, in her case, Kim seems to be trying to distract people from noticing her overall lack of talent or skill in any area as a human being. In fact, the bulk of her fame and fortune stems from her appearance.

Considering DC's inability to confidently adapt Wonder Woman to the big screen based on the strength of her character and history, they've got to find something to hang a movie on. Why not just throw a cheap Wonder Woman costume on Kim Kardashian and film her punching in front of a green screen for 90 minutes? It'd still probably be better than whatever producer Zack Snyder has in mind for the movie.