Hollywood actor Chuck McCarthy and his girlfriend couldn’t decide who gets the last Dorito, so the couple compromised — nobody. They put the Dorito under a glass bowl, preserving it as a true sign of democracy. Or at least that’s what Chuck’s girlfriend has been thinking.
Soon after the deal, Chuck came up with a genius plan: replace the delicious snack with a replica and devour it all by himself. The perfect crime.
Not only did he go above and beyond to recreate the Dorito, but Chuck also pulled off the old switcheroo to the T, leaving his girlfriend totally clueless. That is, if nobody tells her…
“We don’t know when we’ll be able to go to the store again because of the quarantine etc., and there was a lot of discussion over who got the last full Dorito, so my girlfriend and I decided to save it”
“Before the quarantine, we’d have Doritos every now and then. We both love them,” Chuck told Bored Panda. “They’re comfort food, which is why we bought several bags going into quarantine, but it’s a hard chip to have self-control over when they’re in your house. You know. Have you ever had just 1 Dorito? Or just 15 Doritos? We kind of blew through the bags, which is why we said we weren’t getting more, making that last one precious.”
“I’m working on making a paper mache replica, so I can steal it and eat it without her knowing”
However, the Dorito forgery turned out to be a rabbit hole. At first, Chuck planned to spend only about 10 minutes and make a terrible yellow triangle. He thought his girlfriend would have still found it funny, but once he got the basic shape made out of toilet paper, he was all in.
“I used wet toilet paper to sculpt a basic Dorito triangle. Added a little glue and yellow and ocher watercolor for color and structure”
“I put the ‘chip’ in my toaster oven to dry it out”
“I [picked up] the watercolor paints I was using on an illustration to give the wet TP a base yellow. I dried it mostly in my toaster oven, which I’ve since cleaned, then added more coloring, glue and tried to mold it,” Chuck explained the process.
His 10 min joke eventually turned into a 3-hour mission, and he wasn’t even done.
Before continuing, Chuck hid the forgery to dry completely. “I knew I couldn’t paint the spice specks on the wet TP without the watercolor paint spreading. I went to bed around 5 am. The next day, while my girlfriend was on a conference call, I tried adding actual spices from the old bag.”
“Added a little more color and glue, then let the “chip” dry overnight draped over an old pen, to give it the same wave form as the original”
“With the basic chip done and dry, I tried to figure out the distinctive Cool Ranch Doritos seasoning, red and green specks”
“I was worried that the watercolor paint would run and spread too much, so I decided to try a suggestion from the comments of my original post, and use real seasoning from the old batch that I fished out of the garbage and cut open”
“I tried placing the seasoning on the “chip” but even with scissors and tweezers, it was impossible. Apparently, the only surfaces that the spices will stick to are Dorito chips and your fingers”
“Silver lining: Cutting open the bag gave me access to some missed crumbs”
“Solution: I used a needle to paint Cool Ranch red and green specks on my forgery”
Chuck said painting the specks on with a needle was the most intense part of the process. “I was almost positive my girlfriend was going to get off her call and catch me. It was a race against time.”
“I was going to wait for my girlfriend to go to sleep to pull off the switch, but… my girlfriend decided she needed to take a bath, giving me an opportunity to pull off a daring daytime heist. And…”
“What do you think? I don’t think she’ll ever know”
Image credits: ideasbychuck
Chuck’s girlfriend hasn’t discovered the Dorito switch yet, but she did notice that he cleaned the toaster oven, and was very happy about that, so the actor hopes that it will offset her getting upset about his heist.
“We need funny things right now,” Chuck said, admitting he and his girlfriend will probably get more Doritos the next time they go to the store.
As for now, the actor hopes we can all make it through these difficult times safely as soon as possible. That would allow him to get back to “doing something more productive with my time than making fake Doritos out of toilet paper.”
He said the pandemic has changed our lives in the same way it’s changed so many other people’s lives. “We’re staying inside. We’re wearing masks. I have no work or auditions or even side hustles, and my girlfriend is working from home now. Because our apartment is basically her office during the day, I find myself staying up super late doing art projects and posting stuff online, trying to not feel totally unproductive. Of course, like everyone else, we try to buy a bunch of groceries at a time, so we go to the store less and we’re cooking at home way more than before.”